Giving up? ...Defeat or surrender

The past weeks have been frustrating and full of turmoil unrelated to exercising and fitness but the emotional turmoil has it's effect and I had to start getting back on track. Isn't it annoying that there's never a transition time in between trials- a safe area where you can breathe and say-" OK nobody touch me or hurt me while I'm in this corner". It's OK you can laugh at me. I had my first long run today and my legs felt good, the shins have healed - the turmoil is still there but I was reminded from Scripture that His Peace is the same in all seasons, all storms, He is the Prince of Peace and as I take refuge in His word and in Him my peace will remain. I've allowed the emotional turmoil to knock me around and Jesus was right there offering his arms -He doesn't move- I do. I went back to the previous meditations:

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You. Isaiah 26:3

Psalm 37:7

1. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.
2. Psalm 46:10
   "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
3. Exodus 14:14 The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

I subscribe to a fitness newsletter and here is what it says about people who win, who achieve

"The top 3% worked hard physically and took advantage of the
external leverage and accountability that the competition
provided. But they didn't stop there. They also worked on
the inside and trained themselves mentally as well.

If you immersed yourself in a program of "mental training" and
"mind re-programming" at the same time as you started a
physical fitness program, it would unleash your maximum
success potential." from "Fat burning tips" (not advertising-have to quote them in order to be legal)

The reason I put it there as written is because this is exactly what we are doing training our minds "In Christ Jesus" while we are training our bodies, even non Christians see the power of renewing the mind. And since it is training - it will be hard, it will take discipline and just as I can run in the rain and in pain, I will have to keep training my mind through the turmoil and the pain.

I am volunteering in Sunday School for the summer while our regular teachers take a rest. Today's lessons tied in well... of course... with my thought process and reflections (God knows me well -he needs to explain it many ways so I have no way of saying did you really mean that? that one example just wasn't clear enough ;-)) -The bible lessons are based on rock climbing and it taught today that in the middle of a climb you can rest- my first thought "yeah right, I'll just lay down right here hanging onto this rope"- then they demonstrated that in trusting the equipment they can actually rest when they get exhausted by letting go and resting their muscles. Just as we can surrender, give up the moving, the questions, and trust the "equipment" He gives us.

It's what you accept...

Several days had passed and after being silly enough to play 2 soccer games with shin splits - I spent several days in pain, sometimes it's hard to accept that you need to take time to heal, to rest. That is also part of getting fit. I prayed and fought the thoughts that this week of no activity was a setback. I also reflected accepting that at 46, playing the 2nd game injured is probably something I could pass up without feeling weak or wimp. Praying and reading the daily devotions made me think of the waiting times in my life for other things, how hard those were too. As humans we seem unable to see times of waiting as necessary or useful but reading my marathon journal explained the purpose of rest when injured. It also explained how beneficial those times were not only to rest but to increase in strength... what a wonderful spiritual parallel. As I wait for other things I need to allow God's Spirit to strengthen me for what is to come. John 8:32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

Attitude ...

After the first revelation I purposely put my fitness efforts in His hands and asked God to guide me, help me to find out what would make the difference. Why all my recent efforts weren't yielding the results I expected. Where's my runner's body and muscles?? - why do I feel like a bloated balloon after all that running. Why the shin splits that are killing me? Unlike the movies, the deep voice didn't bellow from the skies but first I was convicted on not being as careful as I usually am at work, I realize my slip in diet was due to discouragement I had been feeling at my lack of results. It was good to identify the problem instead of acting out, I turned it over to God and continued looking for ways to deal with the pain.

On Thursday, I happened to be working in front of the TV which is rare - my daughter was watching "Mystery Diagnosis" a show about people with weird diseases which are finally revealed after years. I was half listening when I heard a doctor comment on this ladies dark elbows - she said her Mom had told her to use lemons to try and lighten them but it never worked - the doctor went on to tell her that was a sign of high insulin levels. You have to understand it peaked my interest immediately because since I was young my Mom had told me the same thing, use lemons for my dark elbows, it was like a light went on and I started surfing the net for information on the effects of high insulin levels, how it increased the fat production, how I really feel ill after I have a anything sweet (even from childhood) because I realized a while ago I was hypoglycemic not diabetic. I had previously bought Chromium and for some reason stopped taking it, I thought it was for diabetics only. I now realize high insulin production is not only related to diabetics, several articles recommended the supplement so I started taking it again, after a few days the bloating decreased, it will take a few months for full effects but I don't believe in coincidences and sometimes God leads us to the answers we need, one by one, as we give our troubles and questions to Him not in rebellious questioning but in an attitude of expecting that He cares... about every detail. I have always been encouraged by the verse in Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Perspective

My 21 day journey started out with asking myself whether I could commit, whether this would be a benefit for me. I was already well on my way to achieving the fit lifestyle that was my goal, I had 25 lbs left to lose and had hit a plateau, so as the experts suggest I decided to change things, do something different so I started running, making the Toronto Marathon in October my ultimate goal. Long distance running has a way of amplifying all the week points in your body and shin splits seem to be the constant irritation and source of discouragement. So this can only be good I conclude to encourage me past the pain.

So in reading the verses and prayer I hit my first revelation ..God really has not been part of my daily training activities ... don't get me wrong I believe way back when I started my fitness journey it was through conviction that I started to strive towards a healthy lifestyle and it was with the Holy Spirit's help that I overcame cravings, my regular habit of drinking coke every afternoon, eating late and just loving fresh breads and carbs that were so deadly to my metabolism. These didn't go away overnight, there were several verses that encouraged me but one in particular '

1Cor. 6:12

12 ^aAll things are lawful unto me, but all things are not ^bexpedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.

I think this verse is key for me, in my life every centers in my will, my choice. Time and time. Jesus has shown me that He wants me to choose Him, choose his ways not because of restriction or fear but because I love Him and I want to Honor Him.

So this revelation tells me first that I have made lots of efforts but have dropped the encouragement and communication with him during my daily fitness activities and have not looked to Him for guidance as I used to- so my first step was to go through the verses -the daily readings, pray... and more importantly ...listen.